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Saturday, September 14, 2019

How I Went For Introduction At My Fiancée’s Family House And Found Out That Her Mother Was A Woman Who Abused Me As A Child

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Hi Hplus & Fam,

I met my fiancé on Facebook in October 2015 after I read one of her inspiring posts, back then I was living and working in Qatar, we were just friends back then until in 2017 when things became serious between us, I came down to Nigeria during my one month leave and we met in person .

After meeting her she was actually what I have been imagining her to be, after spending a week with her I became so convinced that I have found my life partner, she is that type of lady that I could confide with and discuss anything so I engaged her after I introduced her to my family. I had to utilize my short stay wisely and travel back to my job, so I promised to come see her family when next I come to Nigeria.

I went back to Qatar and the rest of our talking was just on phone. Fast forward to January this year when I came to Nigeria like 4 months ago and I went with my people to her place in Agbor, Delta state for introduction with her family, lo and behold the woman she introduced to me as her mother was the same woman who was one of my school teachers who abused me some 22 years ago, it didn’t take me too long to recognize her, how couldn’t I have remembered the face of a woman whose memory of haunted my childhood, but she does not seem to recognize me anymore.

Just to clear my doubt I asked my fiancée what her mum does for a living and she said that she is a retired school teacher, I asked which school and she told me the same school that I attended back in Asaba, immediately I recalled everything that that woman did to me when I was just about 13 years old. The details are so disgusting but all that made me to lose interest in being friends with women and food especially one prepared by a woman, it made me hate the smell of some soups.

The abuse lasted for almost a year and that memory haunted me for years, the moment I perceived an odour it takes me back to those moments, it became a mental torture to me because I wasn’t yet ready for that kind of activity, it made me become withdrawn and I grew thin, my mother noticed it but she only thought it was just mere sickness. I told nobody of this till this day after I struggled hard to bury that memory, now that I have seen the woman again and she happened to be the mother of my fiancée, I never wanted to have anything to do with her but the problem now is that my fiancée is 3 months pregnant for me.

I don’t know if I can tell my fiancée about what her mum did to me, I don’t even know if I can tell anyone about anything of those things, not even my own mother. At this point, I don’t know how to approach this problem, I cannot get married to the daughter of the woman whose memory of tortured me for years, the moment I realized it was her, it became a strong turn off, the baseline is that I cannot marry her, period.

Please H Plus and Family my purpose of delivering this to your blog is so I can receive some advice from those who read your blog and get some insights on how to go about this, thanks. Yours faithful…


  1. U can't tell ur mother or wife to be but you telling people u don't know. guy wise up

  2. I have treated seen similar case here on this blog, opening up is your only savior, you cannot keep it locked up, you have to diffuse that energy that it gathered. But things dey sha o.

  3. Since you know nothing else can make I go on with marrying her, even either pregnancy, bros u gotta tell them .. I mean your family and hers.. they all have to know how cruel the mom has been way back..

    If after divulging the whole thing , u still feel something for your file, abeg try go on with her since she’s not the one who fused everything that’s happened. But then again, which eye u wan take dey look mother in-law ? She no go even for come una house.

    As I Dey type, I come reason am agin, e no possible to go on with the marital process jare.

    The girl no go forgive her mama.

  4. How can she not remember? She must have done it to many other innocent boys. Well, its up to you to check if you have forgiven her because i honestly don't see any marriage working if the picture is still in your head. Cos this woman will be in your lives and that of your kids until she dies. She'll be at your wedding, come for Omugwo and so on. Can you live with that? If yes, then cool.
    But again, I'm worried for your sons.