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Monday, May 13, 2019

Tales Of A Suicidal 1


h plus tales of a suicidal

I want to thank you for the amazing work you have been doing with your blog since 2016, so many families and relationships including mine have survived today because of the humanitarian genius work you have been doing with your blog just to fix people’s lives.

I finished my youth service program in 2012 December and since then I have been looking for a serious job, while waiting for the main job I have been doing some peanut paying jobs trying to survive and pay my bills but 35k – 40k jobs in Abuja cannot even pay house rent not to talk of feeding and transporting you to work daily.

The last place where I worked paid me 40k monthly, it was a hectic marketing job, but my boss promised me a salary raise after a 3 month probation but I worked over a year with no raise or bonus that comes with closing a deal. To cut the story short, I started making side money from the job which got my boss jealous and asked me to resign, since then it has been from hand to mouth and nothing serious.

Years went by and I was still trying to fix myself up. Still on the process of fixing myself up my, my fiancé married to a guy she met barely a month, my second fiancé too married a guy she has been dating secretly for 10 months. Anything I touched never grew, all that has been going through my head are ways of killing myself with subtlety without making it look like suicide.

I have planned suicide in my head for years, I envisioned taking slow killing agent but I fear it might be a painful way to go, I envisioned accident but it gave me thrills, I envisioned a heart failure inducing pills, but didn’t know how to get such drugs. Then I thought of drowning myself but I wanted my body to be found and be given a proper burial, then sometimes I told myself that a dead body does not worry about what happens after death.

Then again I will worry about life after death, I wondered what will happen to my soul, and does heaven and hell exist? If I does what will be my fate from that point? When I find myself deep in those thoughts am usually covered in sweat and breathing heavily. I have never opened up this matter to anyone, that’s why I love this idea of your blog because I can pour out my heart and people might judge me openly but they will never know my identity.

I have gone to many prayer houses and they will ask me to do a 3 day fasting and praying then ask me to sow a seed, I even went for a 3 days dry fasting at MFM. I never believed in traditional things, I felt those people are scam, because back in my school days I have tried to fix some problems where it all started, I even travelled all the way to Ore, Ondo state to a native doctor to fix my problem, I even bathed in a shrine but yet I paid for the services with my school fees for nothing.

A friend introduced me to one baba 2 years ago, after rolling some cowries on my matter and giving me fake prophecies, he asked me to drop 25k for my solution. Being that my friend highly recommends this baba I had to source for the money, in the end it was a fake. Later she told me that that was the baba’s son, the baba made a powerful trip and he is very powerful. That was how I still met the baba and he took another 10k from me and still produced no results.

It was until last year that I came across your blog that I started reading other people’s stories relating to mine and how your blog became a compass in their lives. I booked for one of your free counselling, from then on till now when I look back I see how positively your blog has transformed my life and I cant be thankful enough.

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